The golden method to get rid of your insecurity!
- 18 July 2022
- Psyche
- No Comments
Do you ever feel insecure?
If so, do you notice that you (unconsciously) seek confirmation or comfort in the external world? For example with other people or animals, food or drinks, objects, or, for the shop-aholics among us, purchases. I have noticed that uncertainty arises because we can discover little or no confidence and appreciation in ourselves. You could say that we seek a certain connection externally, as a kind of escape from the confrontation with ourselves. We all have a tendency to escape from our lives for a while, but is this balanced in your case, if you're honest?
Of course, it's nice when someone compliments you on something you feel insecure about. That one birthmark you've been ashamed of all your life is suddenly found beautiful; someone asks you whether you have lost weight; your perseverance and hard work to get your degree is appreciated; or one points out that you are a good listener. You may not even be able to accept the compliment, because it sounds so absolutely unbelievable to you, because how in the world can this be true?
An external confirmation can make you feel better about yourself (or not). But that feeling will only last a short time, because sooner or later you will listen to your internal thoughts again, which tell you something else.
Then, how can you develop more self-confidence? The answer is relatively simple, all you have to do is shift your focus from seeking validation in the external world, to internal validation. Focus on yourself and strengthen the connection within you. Just as you are in a relationship with your best friend, sister or partner, you are also in a relationship with yourself. This latter one even has a lifetime guarantee. Realising this, it can become worth the effort to build on this relationship. This may result in more self-confidence, without being dependent of external aspects. You have the control over it.
How insecurity hindered me
In order to make your process in personal development easier, I will explain it more concretely by sharing my experience. Insecurity crept over me when I just started my practice. I had just quit my permanent job with financial security to be able to fully focus on the practice. A leap of faith. But apparently, subconsciously I was not yet convinced of my own abilities. Even though I made myself believe that I was. Over time, negative thoughts came to me, such as “Who am I to help others? I'm only human. Despite all the diplomas and certificates, I have little experience as a therapist.” Because I was not fully convinced of my own skills, insecurity also began to express itself in other parts of my life. And people in my environment noticed this as well. I generally had more anxious thoughts, started crying for no specific reason, and was more on edge. In addition, I felt less energy, my immune system weakened and I got the flu.
Insecurity used as a strength
Surprisingly, being aware of your insecurity is already 90% of the transformation! By distancing myself from my practice (literally, I went on vacation), I was able to review my perspective. I saw I needed more inner work.
In my situation, I first wondered whether the (old) belief is indeed true. “Is it true I'm not good enough to help others? And after a little introspection, I say to myself: “No, of course not.” I have been helping myself and others for years, using the same techniques. In addition, I have gained sufficient knowledge and followed years of training. I found further evidence for this answer in helping my first clients successfully. Thus, my sense of insecurity gradually decreased.
What I still had to do after that was to take my practice off the pedestal, where I had put it on myself. Letting go. I did this according to the Be-Do-Have method, which has helped me and many others.
Having a practice is nothing bigger than myself, it simply provides the function of carrying out my passion professionally, to the point where my knowledge reaches. I was then able to easily change the old belief into one that suits me (BE): “I am a professional therapist who offers high-quality advice in my practice.” This belief offered room to do more and to act like such a therapist (DO), after which I got more results from my work (HAVE). In addition, I noticed that my body and mind slowly became stronger and that positive thinking became easier.
What more self-confident looks like
The practice now gives me the freedom and strength that I desire. I'm still on my personal development path, and I hope to continue doing so for the rest of my life. Compliments from clients or relations can still touch me beautifully and I enjoy them immensely. But I am no longer dependent on the external confirmation, I can now offer that validation to myself.
By all means, feel free to tailor this method to your own situation. Though I can imagine that you could use more support, because the process of becoming conscious of limiting thoughts is complex. I offer you personalized advice and teach you practical techniques that you can apply for a lifetime. These methods can be applied to feel stronger and to reconnect with yourself. All you have to do is press the button below. You can request an introductory meeting, in which we get to know each other better. Then we can see if and what we can do for each other and I guarantee to share a new technique with you that you can use immediately.
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